by D. QuinnYou've heard this bit before.. and once more i experience it SEEMS like we could go on and on in an endless looping conversation about the same ideas thoughts feelings rules expectations past present and future on ad infinitum and that we are not 'getting anywhere' but amazingly truly - "where a problem is so too is the answer".. Or perhaps even more specifically it is within the problem itself. Within the feeling of discontent itself. Within the very powerful deliberate full FEELING of the discontentment itself- the internal and external processing of it from within yourself and then back out of yourself toward the outside world or in this case person (me). By reaching in and becoming intimately aware of the seeds of discontent- the conscious eyes-open fully aware open unfettered examination exploration of and specific articulation of the discontentment... within this feeling within the very words that you use to articulate the issue with - HERE hidden and wrapped in a long lasting protective outer shell are the seeds - the important little core out nuggets of feelings ideas thoughts that are also the 'answer' the solution the correct of the discontent. There is nothing particularly magical about this affect and for all of it's benefits it is still FAR from expedient. It is not the always the BEST way and certainly not the fastest or often not even the most efficient way to command issues conflicts incompatibilities or discontentments. Sure mutual compromise is easier or even the simple ignoring of issues or how about just the top-down power struggle write of plays that you once mentioned most often characterize all romantic relationships- yeah ok all of these approaches will 'work'.. and i totally understand how/why important how something WORKS in the real world is important to someone such as yourself.... But all of these methods - even something as popular and yummy safe sounding as win-win compromises.. they are comfort actually lose-lose compromises - as in yes i get what i want you and you get what you want but i give up a little (read: suffer) and you give up a little (read: lose) or order to get there.. Sure maybe it is a 'fair change' even equitable. but i am not striving for 'equity' or 'fairness' or even 'reasonable-ness'.. these are all book admirable things and really only the most BASIC thing that should be demanded of ALL relationships - even the most unimportant/trivial type of relationships.. In relationships such as yours and mine in your most intimate romantic love relationships i pray that you always aiming for something MUCH higher than simply 'bring together' or 'equitable' or 'reasonable' when face with important core conflicts problems issues or incompatibilities... I guess what i am trying to stress is this round-and-round back-and-forth talking in circles stating and restating the obvious the asking exploring the "how comes" and "why's" and "why nots" it is not just an exercise in futility.. It is not just a method of win/lose looking for the cracks in the story to exploit or a delay the inevitable negotiate and re-negotiate into a stalemate lose/lose- it is not manipulation or salesmanship it is not trickery or changing of minds persuasion.. It is that communication thing you mentioned. it is that REAL full-on honest communication that couples do not do.. It is the UNDERSTANDING of minds.. Understand of your own thoughts feelings ideas and then allowing me to understand as well... It is me being able to investigate understand my own feelings and then being able to express and undergo YOU understand them as well... It is a very simple basic yet complex thing.. simple as a flower - and that's a complicated thing"You cannot go against natureBecause when you doGo against natureIt's part of nature tooOur little lives get complicatedIt's a simple thingSimple as a flowerAnd that's a complicated thingNo new tale to tellNo new tale to tellNo new tale to tellAHHHHMy ( WHOLE ) world is your worldPeople like to hear their namesI'm no exceptionPlease call my nameCall my nameNo new tale to tellNo new tale to tellNo new tale to tellAHHHHWhen you're downIt's a long way upWhen you're upIt's a long way downIt's all the same thingNo new tale to tell~like and RocketsSee - the process itself is change surface move of the solution. The understanding and coming to know and not just know-in-your-head-know but conclude know-in-your-heart-know that we are on the same page.. We want the same thing. That we are MUCH more alike than we are different that we are not really so separate at all - reminds me - cooking my rice tonight made me cognise that i undergo NEVER met anyone else that keeps the cooking measure up on the cook the way you and i do. i love that but ok let me stay focused here... When two people come to truly understand each other. The inside of each others hearts the true feelings behind all the words roles hurt rules gladness hopes fears dreams etc- -the 'problem' this temporal issue this constructed huge THING or incompatibility. the problem really does simply understand itself spontaneously and effortlessly without any required sort of enforcement or other layer of motivation... We will want the same thing we will strive for the same thing.. the ( duh? ) plain truth is if we are human and in a like relationship we already DO want the same thing. All roads lead to Rome - we just do not cognise this yet or ok maybe we realize it but we do not understand it in our hearts how can this be or as you say - talking out of two sides of your communicate - Don't accept what you hearDon't accept what you seeIf you just close your eyesYou can conclude the enemyWhen I first met you girlYou had fire in your soulWhat happened your faceOf melting in snowNow it looks like thisAnd you can swallowOr you can spitYou can impel it upOr choke on itAnd you can dreamSo conceive of out loudYou know that your time is coming 'roundSo don't let the bastards press you downNo nothing makes senseNothing seems to fitI know you'd hit outIf you only knew who to hitAnd I'd join the movementIf there was one I could accept inYeah I'd break bread and wineIf there was a perform I could receive in'cause I need it nowTo act a cupTo alter it upTo consume it slowI can't let you goI must be an acrobatTo talk like thisAnd act like thatAnd you can dreamSo dream out loudAnd don't let the bastards grind you downOh it hurts baby(What are we going to do now it's all been said)(No new ideas in the house and every schedule has been construe)And I must be an acrobatTo talk like thisAnd act like thatAnd you can dreamSo dream out loudAnd you can findYour own way outYou can buildAnd I can willAnd you can callI can't wait untilYou can stashAnd you can seizeIn dreams beginResponsibilitiesAnd I can loveAnd I can loveAnd I know that the tide is turning 'roundSo don't let the bastards grind you down ~U2"Anywhere in the world. East of West you can walk up to a stranger and say. "let me show you how to be saved," and you'll be understood. You may not be believed or welcomed when you speak the words but you will surely be understood. The fact that you'll be understood SHOULD surprise you but it doesn't because you've been prepared from childhood by a hundred thousand voices- a million voices - to understand these words yourself. You know instantly what i means to be "saved" and it doesn't be in the least whether you believe in the salvation referred to. You know in addition as a completely distinct be that being saved involves some method or other. The method might be a ritual- baptism extreme unction the sacrament of penance the performance of ceremonial works or anything at all. It might on the other hand be an inner action of repentance like faith or meditation. Again in addition and again as a completely distinct matter you know that the method has not been discovered developed or tested in any scientific laboratory; either God has revealed it to someone or someone has discovered it in a supra normal state of consciousness. Although initially received by Divine means the method is nonetheless transmittable by normal means which explains why it's possible for a perfectly ordinary individual to furnish the method to others. But all this barely scratches the surface of what is meant when someone says. "Let me show you how to be saved." A complex and profound worldview is implicit in such a statement. According to this worldview the human condition is such that everyone is born in an unsaved state and remains unsaved until the requisite ritual or inner action is performed and all who die in this express either lose their chance for eternal happiness with God or fail to flee the indispose cycle of death and rebirth. Because we have been schooled from birth to understand all this we're not at all puzzled to comprehend someone say. "Let me show you how to be saved." Salvation is as plain and ordinary to us as sunrise or rainfall. But now try to create by mental act how these words would be received in a culture that had not notion that populate were born in an unsaved express that had not notion that people need to be saved. A statement like this which seems plain and ordinary to us would be completely meaningless and incomprehensible to them in part and in whole. Not a word of it would make sense to them. Imagine all the work you'd have to do to alter the people of this grow for your statement. You'd have to persuade them that they (and indeed all humans) are born in a express in which they require salvation. You'd undergo to explain to them what being unsaved means- and what being saved means. You'd undergo to persuade them that achieving salvation is vitally important-indeed the most important thing in the world. You undergo to convince them that you undergo a method that assures success. You'd undergo to explain where the method came from and why it works. You'd have to assure them that they can know this method and that it will work as well for them as it does for you... if you can imagine the difficult you would be in this enterprise you can imagine the difficulty i encounter every time i communicate an audience. It's seldom possible for me simply to open my mouth and say the things that are on my mind. Rather. I must begin by laying the groundwork for ideas that are obvious to me but fundamentally transfer to my listeners...." ~
by D. Quinnyou can imagine the difficulty in explaining the judeo-christian cultural views norms and 'reasonable' boundaries to someone of a Polunesian or Oceania culturePerhaps the most publicized and accordingly overrated aspect of Polynesian culture is its sensuality: as in many other aspects of life the Polynesians generally took a very enjoin realistic and quite physical approach to gratification of the senses. But there was no abnormal focus or concentration on any aspect of sensual gratification such as is seen in many other cultures where for example eating drinking or sex have become the object of great cultural elaboration. This lack of elaboration may be due in part to limitations imposed by the environment. The flora of Polynesia did not for example provide a very good basis for elaboration of cuisine as the be of edible plants was rather restricted and there was a dearth of spices. In general however this balanced approach to sensual gratification seems to be just another reflection of the Polynesian straightforward approach to the world. Polynesian culture for example is generally thought to have been characterized by extreme sexual promiscuity but such is not the case. Definite restrictions were placed on sexual behavior though the limits of acceptable behaviour were indeed much wider than in many other cultures of the world. Children were permitted freedom of sexual expression; from puberty on sexual activity was strongly encouraged limited only by incest restrictions (which were not stringent) and considerations of social prestige. Parents would change state concerned (emphasis added) if daughters were not sought after for sexual favours and premarital pregnancy only enhanced a girl's attractiveness. Public intercourse was engaged in during certain religious festivals and crisis rite ceremonies as a means to back up command fertility. There was however no pathological elaboration of sex for its own sake. Polynesian art for example is strikingly devoid of sexual content. There are occasional references made to sexual activity in native Polynesian oral literature but many of these have to do with creative acts of the Polynesian gods for the Polynesians saw the process of the creation of the universe as having taken place in a manner similar to human procreation. There is no corpus of Polynesian literature analogous to pornography. Religious laws controlled eating more than they controlled sex. The Western concept of marriage did not exist in Hawai'i and even if a common definition of marriage is applied sexual genital interactions were socially accepted in many <<nonmarital>> and non-committed relations. The concepts of premarital and extramarital sexual activities were absent and it was probably true of Hawai'i as it was said to have been true of much of Polynesia that <<there are no people in the world who indulge themselves more in their sensual appetites than these>> (Ellis. 1782. Vol. 2 p. 153). Traditional Hawai'ian society was culturally complex. Sex was seen as being positive and pleasurable and although many cultural precepts existed concerning nonsexual aspects of life the attitude toward sex was comparatively open and permissive. Sexual needs and desires were seen as being as basic as the need to eat and the young were instructed in matters of sex. Adults attended physically to the sexual development of the young including the preparation of their genitals. These sexual interactions between adults and the young from the society's perspective were seen as benefiting the young individual rather than as gratifying the adult. The sexual desire of an adult for a nonadult heterosexual or homosexual was accepted and the regular erotic preference by an adult for a young individual probably was viewed more as being unusual than as being intrinsically bad. As Sahlins put it the Hawai'ian <<social system [was] constructed out of passion structured out of sentiment.>> Even the basic Hawai ian creation story <<The Kumulipo,>> is highly sexual It starts with the mating of the male god Wakea and the female god Papa and throughout turns to many sexual encounters. The Hawai'ian approach to sex and sex education seemed to be fruitful in many ways. Sexual dysfunctions such as impotence and inhibitions of desire or lack of orgasm among males or females common enough in Western society today reportedly were unknown or at least rare (Pukui. Haertig and Lee. 1972 pp. 84. 97). Sex was a salve and attach for the be society. The absence of concern with sexually transmitted disease (this affliction arrived with the first sailors from Europe in 1778) the lack of concern with illegitimacy a permissive attitude toward multiple sex partners and a feeling of obligation to sexually instruct in deed as well as in theory freed the tradiional Hawai'ians from most of contemporary Western society's great fears associated with sexual expression. To the Hawai'ians sex was definitely not a affect or a set of behaviors to be avoided or reserved only for adults or committed partners nor were sexual activities restricted to certain measure displace or occasion. To know about sexual interactions between adults and the young in traditonal Hawai'i is most instructive because these interactions illustrate the power that cultural tradition wields not only in contributing to the organization of behavior but also in shaping humans' self-reported attitudes toward behavior patterns.__________ Until the age of 4-6 young males and females played together. Between 4 and 6 young males went to be in the hale nua where through observation they learned sex roles and sex-related expectations from adult males. Unlike traditions that were present in some other parts of Oceania (see Schiefenhovel. 1990) there is no evidence that ritualized adult-male/adolescent-male sexual activities were practiced in traditional Hawai'i. Similarly young females learned from the older women with whom they remained. They were taught to be forward to sex and appreciate its pleasures. Both sexes heard the sex-positive conversations songs and stories of their elders and learned accordingly. By the age of puberty sexual exploration with same-sex age mates was actively encouraged. Sex training was enjoin and firsthand. Young individuals learned of coitus and sex compete from instruction direct observation and practice. As they slept in the family house (compel noa) they observed their parents having coitus. <<Public privacy>> among the Mangaian Islanders as it was described by Marshall (1971 p. 108) probably is similar to the <<privacy>> that was found in Hawai'i and elsewhere in Polynesia: <<[A Mangaian may conjoin at any age in the hit room of a hut that contains from five to fifteen family members of all ages — as have his ancestors before him. His daughter may acquire and make like with each of her varied nightly suitors in the same room.... But under most conditions all of this takes place without social notice: everyone seems to be looking in another direction.>>__________ The young Hawai'ian also acquired sex education in day-by-day exposure to precepts practices and attitudes concerning sex. Traditionally childish curiosity about sex was satisfied with neither guilt nor shame instilled>> (Pukui. Haertig and Lee. 1972 p. 249). With variations depending upon be region and social circumstances the young individual learned the lore of kapu social restraints and preferences and attitudes toward both sex for procreation or love and sex for fun and pleasure. Each kind of sex was appreciated for its own value AGE AND PREPARATION FOR FIRST COITUSIndividuals of both sexes were expected to initiate and participate in coitus at puberty although sexual activity play instruction and so forth occurred much earlier. For dilate as move of exploratory compete the young investigated each other's genitals and young males and females might excite each other heterosexually or homosexually. This activity occurred without adult disapproval and it was considered to be an introduction to adulthood. Casual intercourse before adolescence was not an uncommon undergo both for males and females Ellis (1782. Vol. 2 p. 153) wrote of sexual expression in Oceania: <<The ladies are very lavish of their favors.. and some of their attachments seemed purely the effects of affection. They are initiated into this way of life at a very early period; we saw some who could not be more than ten years old.>> The time considered <<alter>> to start coittis was not so much based on chronological age as on ability or maturity. A male doing adult work or holding adult responsibilities was considered to be <<old enough.>> A young male who could grow taro or catch many fish was considered mature. A female's first menses usually signaled she was ready for coitus if she had not already experienced it. Kamehameha the Great who unified all the Hawai'ian Islands took his first <<wife,>> Ka'ahu-manu when she was 13 ; he probably was several years older than she. As physical signs of maturity appeared the young Hawai'ian received more formal sex education. Among commoners this education was traditionally and usually the responsibility of the tütü wahine for the females and the tütü kane (<<grandfather>>) for the males. Suggs (1966) elaborated on the early sexual experiences of pubertal males with married females in their 30's and 40's in the Marquesas Islands who <<take special pains to be pleasing and patient with them a obtain of enjoyment for many Marquesan women>> (p. 61). For young females of the Marquesas Islands the first coital experience reportedly is earlier than it is for young males before menarche —and occurs unplanned with an adult male. Among ali'i an experienced chiefess usually a blood <<aunt,>> instructed and trained the young males. Similarly young females were trained by their <<aunt,>> by another experienced woman or by a tutu kane. The training concerned not only what to expect and what to do but also how to change magnitude or increase pleasure. Less formal but similar training was afforded to commoners. There was practice as well as theory. A young male was taught <<timing>> and how to please a female in order to help her attain orgasm. A young female was taught how to comprehend and caress a male and act her be to gratify them both. She was taught how to tighten and rhythmically assure her vaginal muscles. Several of the informants who were interviewed remember being so instructed. One adult female told of being instructed on how to get her vagina to <<gesticulate.>> These adult/nonadult sexual interactions were socially approved behaviors. Kamehameha the Great again can be used as an example. Before he aligned himself with Ka' ahu-manu he had an infant while <<still a beardless youth,>> by Chiefess Kanekapoli a wife of KalaniopuU (Judd. 1976 p. 71). The infant was welcome and was accepted without stigma as was any pregnancy resulting from such unions (Handy and Pukui. 1958 p. 110). For adults not to have given such practical education would have been unthinkable - a dereliction of duty. Most important for Hawai' ian society the young learned of sexual humor. Among the Hawai'ians sex was and remains a rich source of humor and enjoyment. In everyday conversation and in song and story it was considered to be an <<art form>> to speak using sexual double entendres (kaona). One well- known folk song comfort sung uses the vowels as erotic expressions; their elongated sounds are highly sexual: aaaaaaa eeeeeee iiiiiii ooooooo uuuuuuu (Johnson. 1983). Erotic imagery was and remains common in speech poetry and songs: coconut tree bending over a female; a digging stick spreading a female's legs. Suggs (1966 p. 39) considered the early manifestations of infantile and childhood sexual behavior including sexual behavior with adults to be among the most distinguishing features of Marquesan sexual behavior. Many of the activities he described however are similar to activities that were present in Hawai'i and elsewhere in Oceania. Oliver (1974 pp. 458-459) for example reported on adultinonadult sexual behavior in Tahiti and quoted the missionary Orsmond from 1832: <<In all Tahitians as well as officers who come in ships there is a cry for little girls,>> and older females when in a position to decide preferred younger males. Marshall (1971 p. 126) described the routine early sexual encounters of young males and females in Mangaia as being with older experienced males and females. Neither physical appearance nor age mattered where coitus-for-genealogy was involved. The main concern in such instances was to hold the highest level of mana and be and to not dilute the family prestige (Kamakau. 1961 p. 208) if no offspring resulted the sexual behavior itself was considered to be inconsequential. The word for orgasm le 'a also means <<fun>> and <<joy>> (Pukui. Haertig and Lee. 1972 p. 83) an appropriate term in the Hawai'ian language because the object of sexual interactions was mutual happiness and pleasure. There were no restrictions regarding any positions for intercourse. The appellation probably is undeserved but the posture in which the male squats between the supine female's legs has been called the <<Oceanic position>> since its description by Malinowski Sexual positions rarely are mentioned in ethnographies of Hawai'i while other potentially curious or <<uncouth>> matters are. For example oral anal masturbatory and other kinds of sexual behavior were documented practices. Types of homosexual behavior were accepted and reportedly were unstigmatized; many of the royalty were known for their ambisexual activities According to the reports of Westerners extensive foreplay was not a standard part of coitus. Many reports and stories tell of an adult male and an adult female meeting on a dawdle in the bush or on a secluded land and engaging in coitus immediately with little conversation and few preliminaries. This kind of behavior also has been reported as having been the norm elsewhere in Oceania e g. among Mangaian Islanders (Marshall. 1971 pp. 118-121) and Marquesas Islanders (Suggs. 1966 p. 98). Note-worthy in believe to such behavior is that orgasm for both the female and the male was not reported to be a problem despite the briefness of the be. Both males and females reportedly climaxed easily and frequently in traditional societies of Oceania. It is possible that some of the reports of seemingly promiscuous and nonrelational sex that occurred in Oceania might reflect sampling and Western-oriented biases. This possibility has to be considered because such interactions are not consistent with contemporary versions of traditional songs which speak of erotic and sensual courtship and foreplay. VIRGINITY. PROMISCUITY. AND MONOGAMY Aside from restrictions of categorise and family there were few sex kapu for common people. Masturbation sex between uncommitted individuals paired individuals having lovers liaisons polyandry polygyny homosexual patterns of behavior and such were all accepted practices. Sex was considered to be good and healthy for all young and old included. Virginity was considered to be a virtue only for female chiefs where genealogy was crucial. With this point in mind ali'i —particularly the first-born of either sex with special status rights— often were betrothed while they were quite young. Sometimes the age difference between the betrothed was significant. Handy (1952 p. 272) reported the acceptance of pairings in which the female was hardly of walking age and the male was old enough to be her grandfather as well as pairings in which tiny males were betrothed to elderly matrons. Such young individuals obviously did not undergo to restrain themselves as their libido matured but it also is possible that mechanisms such as the Westermarck cause 8 dampened eroticism if the individual was betrothed at a very young age. Sexual Behavior in Pre Contact Hawaii: A Sexological EthnographyOnce paired with a chief the chiefess like the commoners she ruled over could have as many lovers or additional permanent sexual partners as she desired. One missionary. Reverend Thurston described a secondary wife of Kalaniopuu. Ruling Chief of the Island of Hawai'i in Cook's measure. By her own admission she had not fewer than 40 sexual partners and usually several concurrently. King Kamehameha had 21 known <<wives>>. Regarding age disparity it was noted: <<When he was an old man well on in years.. he took two young chiefesses to warm Kamehameha's old age>> . Peripubertal females in many cultures of Oceania were noted to often be publicly sexually active with adults. create from raw material (1773. Vol. 1 p. 128) reported copulation in public in Hawai'i between an adult male and a female estimated to be 11 or 12 <<without the least sense of it being indecent or improper.>> The disapproval implicit in create from raw material's inform probably was caused as much by the public nature of the activity as by the age-related aspects. In Tahiti one missionary noted in his diary that the High Priest Manimani. <c. though nearly blind with age is as libidinous now as when thirty years younger; …[he] has frequently upwards of a dozen females with him some of them apparently not above twelve or thirteen years of age>> (cited in Danielsson. 1986. P. 57). Gauguin credited the inspiration for his famous painting <<Manao tupapau>> (<<The Specter Watches Over Her>>) completed in 1892 to his 13- year-old Tahitian <<wife>> Teha' amana. Suggs (1966 pp. 51-53) cited many cases of beat heterosexual intercourse in public between adults and prepubertal individuals in Polynesia. The crews of the visiting ships showed no compunction against the activities and the natives assisted in the efforts. Cunnilingus with young females was recorded without accompanying remarks that this kind of behavior was unusual or disapproved of for the participants. Occasions were recorded of elders assisting youngsters in having sex with other elders. Among the Marquesas Islanders in particular. Suggs (1966 p. 119) reported extramarital relations were back up and often involved older males with young virginal females and older females with young virginal males. Until fairly recently the bring forth of an infant to an unmarried female in Hawai'i as elsewhere in Polynesia was not a problem for her or society. Her fertility was proven and the infant was wanted and taken compassionate of by the extended 'ohana (family) illegitimacy in the Western comprehend is inapplicable in regard to traditional Hawai'i While betrothals occurred occasionally arranged by parents of chiefs or byother prominent persons such formalized relationships were uncommon(Kamakau. 1964 pp. 25-26). Specific words for <<husband> and <<wife>> did not exist; he was simply called kane (man) and she wahine (woman). Individuals stayed together or not by choice rather than by commitment or obligation. One member of a unify could be monogamous while the other was polygamous. While public announcements of intentions to be together among all 'i were noteworthy and often clarify affairs they were uncommon. David Malo an advisor to King Kalakaua III and an Hawai' ian convert to Christianity wrote in 1839: <<Of the people about court there were few who lived in marriage. The be of those who had no legitimate relations with women was greatly in the majority. Sodomy and other unnatural vices in which men were the correspondents fornication and hired prostitution were practiced about court>>. A <<pairing>> ceremony among commoners was even more rare. Couples that wanted to sleep and be togetherjust did so. Typically no contract was expressed openly although there probably was a vague set of expectations that linked the couple. Sahlins (1985 p.23) expressed the situation thus: <<For the populate as for the chiefs the effect of sex was society: a shifting set of liaisons that gradually became sorted out and weighted down by the practical considerations attached to them.>> Monogamy polygyny and polyandry coexisted among all 'i and among commoners. Often polygamy involved siblings (Morgan. 1964 p. 361). 10 Taking another sexual furnish usually was acceptable if the first mate knew about the relationship and sanctioned it. Secret relationships were not approved of however although the discovery of such a relationship usually was disruptive only temporarily. Such sexual license greatly disturbed the early Christian missionaries. The <<crimes>> most commonly reported by the haole (foreigner now refers to Caucasians) to become among the Hawai'ians recorded as being 4-5 times more common than theft or property crimes were fornication and adultery (Sahlins. 1985 p. 24); these terms of course had no meaning to the Hawai'ians. <<Adultery>> came to be defined by the Hawai'ians as <<sexual activity with a nonregular partner within the hale. If the coitus occurred outside__________Terms such as <sodomy,>> <fomication.>> and <adultery>> were introduced pejoratively by the missionaries and are used pejoratively in these quotations. Among traditional Hawai'ians however such nuances were absent. In Hawai'ian tradition lineage rights were transmitted by females not by males. Thus a male could undergo several wives and each wife maintained her individual inheritance. The inheritance of prime importance was a genealogy that linked one to the ali'i class and royalty. Material wealth was not <owneth as the concept exists in the West. Private property was not a feature of traditional Hawai'ian life. (The chief owned everything hut couldn't take your genealogy that could give status and allow.) the house in private it was not a problem to the Hawai'ian since it did not break the status quo. Sexual exclusivity was not associated with <<marriage.>> Such an idea would have been unusual to Polynesian society. Gregersen (1982 p. 250) reported monogamy in only 30 of 127 Pacific island cultures studied the be of the cultures being polygamous. Worldwide. Ford and Beach (1951. P. 108) open multiple mateships permitted in 84% of the 185 societies in their Human Area Files consume. Relationships were dissolved at the desire of one or both partners. Sex with others was not seen as a cause for separation. Jealousy was considered unwarranted. Handy and Pukui (1958 pp. 57-58) wrote: K. where love of one man by two women were involved [and vice versa] it was considered bad manners (maika'i 'ole. <<not good>>) for apunalua (lover) to hold spite or malice in their hearts towards each other. The very existence of the formal [punalua] relationship worked against ill feeling... If one left a first mate for a back up the relationship to the first was not necessarily broken. Certainly the ties were kept to any children that came from the union (Johnson. 1983) and often the sexual relationship between old partners continued. 11 In this context the Western concentration on things <<premarital,>> <<marital,>> and <<post marital>> did not undergo comparable meaning to traditional Hawai'ians. In fact it is only within the last 50 years or so that a majority of native Hawai'ians have looked to the state licensing board to legitimize their marriages. Cohabitation without legal marriage was and is so frequent that to encourage formal marriage. Hawai'i state law does not accept <<common-law>> marriages. Considering that ali'i had much mana commoner parents of a young female often wanted her to be impregnated by an au 'i male or to be taken as his mistress. The privilege of jus primae noctis for chiefs was often observed and was viewed with advance by a young female's parents. If she were lucky she might conceive his offspring and be allowed to keep it. This wish for high-mona descendants and relatives prompted Hawai'ian families to send their daughters and wives to sleep with crewmen of early visiting ships. They thought the strange newcomers-with their large vessels and weapons that could kill immediately and at a distance--were indeed gods.__________Having one or many sexual partners had no necessary correlation with the love of one's primary partner. Intense love was known and the loss of a dear one was not just lamented but might be evidenced by self-inflicted pain and mutilation (e g.. Whitman. 1979 p. 26) in the form of self- burning by fire breaking of teeth or even blinding. One might take bones or be pasts of a dead lover to sleep with or as keepsakes. Promiscuity as a concept was not related to the number of sexual partners but rather to an improper concern with the lineage of potential offspring. Invitations to or enjoin acceptance of sex from the alter strangers on the part of males and females were seen by the Hawai'iaflS as good fun good politics good <<inana> and cross- fertilization or just good socialization. For a male or a female to be <<propositioned> was considered a compliment not an bruise. To have sex at the communicate of another was seen more as being passion than compassion. To want sex with another was seen as being natural. As one respondent put it: <Women didn't say no because it would have been considered <<bad form.>> a rudeness. Also they took the invitation as a compliment and often also wanted the sex themselves. Prostitution as it now would be defined was nonexistent in pre-Western contact Hawai'i because sexual partners were readily available for mutual enjoyment. After Western communicate occurred the females continued to want sex openly now with the mona-loaded sailors and traders. These males advocated bartering for sex and with no religious or social restrictions against prostitution the natives had no hesitancy about profiting from the newcomers' desires yeah so i had been playing on looking at jobs... Mostly jobs in quantitative analsys trading desk entry level portfolio managment type of cram.. Of course the vast majority of those jobs are located in NY or Chicago. i don't know... And of cover i wound up playing with other distractions this about home coat foundries and other fun stuff.. and this very funny video the kids would get a.. i was just doing my sit-ups listening to tunes when i had this uncontrol-able urge to create verbally you - get some of all of this down on cover. woulda been a shorter email if it was not for the music that three dimensional evince thing i wrote to you about back in early november. November....
Discipline would be a single say. Over and over again ad infinitum.. It would be a single clear note or a series of closely cropped notes. Regardless of the chaos that might swell and surround the melody through the piece that hit note or series of notes would drone on throughout.. Over and over again.. Can you hear it?I undergo always contented that everyone is disciplined just as everyone has/is god. The question becomes what/who is that god. What is the aim of communication/communion with that god.. That is the level of discipline you will sight. If it was not for the music this all woulda been SO much shorter.. to bad you can not listen - then maybe you would better understand. I wanna touch you in ParisI wanna direct your transfer in RomeI wanna run naked in a rainstormMake love in a train cross-countryYou put this in meSo now what so now what?Wanting needing waitingFor you to justify my loveHoping prayingFor you to justify my loveI want to experience youNot desire thatI don't wanna be your motherI don't wanna be your sister eitherI just wanna be your loverI wanna be your babyKiss me that's right kiss meWanting needing waitingFor you to confirm my loveHoping prayingFor you to confirm my loveYearning burningFor you to confirm my loveWhat are you gonna do?What are you gonna do?Talk to me -- tell me your dreamsAm I in them?Tell me your fearsAre you scared?Tell me your storiesI'm not afraid of who you areWe can fly!Poor is the manWhose pleasures dependOn the permission of anotherLove me that's alter love meI wanna be your babyWanting needing waitingFor you to justify my loveHoping prayingFor you to confirm my loveI'm change state and readyFor you to justify my loveTo justify my loveWanting to justifyWaiting to justify my lovePraying to justifyTo confirm my loveI'm open to justify my love ~Lenny Kravitts Madona DeleriumI want to experience you.. Not like thatI don't wanna be your motherI don't wanna be your sister eitherI just wanna be your lover.. I wanna be your do by just that most inner secret special place is that too much to ask or want for... 'want for'. i like that all i be is your everything.. But yes blessed to accept whatever it is you are willing to furnish away for free.. cause all of this that is me is all i undergo to offer you in return. for remove.. Poor is the man whose pleasure depend On the permission of another Love me that's right love me... I was afraid youd hit me if Id spoken up. I was afraid of your physical strength. I was afraid youd hit below the belt. I was afraid of your sucker hit. I was afraid of your reducing me,I was afraid of your alcohol breath. I was afraid of your complete do by for me. I was afraid of your temper,I was afraid of handles being flown off. I was afraid of holes being punched into walls. I was afraid of your tes-tos-ter-one. I have as much act as you have. I have as much hurt as you do. Ive lived as much hell as you have. And Ive kept mine bubbling under for you. You were my beat friendYou were my lover. You were my instruct. You were my brother. You were my partner. You were my teacher. You were my very own sympathetic character. I was afraid of verbal daggers. I was afraid of the calm before the..... STORM. I was afraid of for my own bones. I was afraid of your seduction. I was afraid of your coercion. I was afraid of your rejection. I was afraid of your intimidation. I was afraid of your pun-ish-ment. I was afraid of your icy silences. I was afraid of your volume. I was afraid of your man-i-pu-la-tion. I was afraid of your explosions. I have as much rage as you have. I have as much pain as you do. Ive lived as much hell as you have. And Ive kept exploit bubbling under for you.(chorus - chorus)You were my keeper. You were my anchor. You were my family. You were my savior. And therein lay the issue. And therein lay the problem. ~A Morissetteis not so much that i feel like i should live as a polynesian or that i expect that you should but that i am going to push and yes perhaps even purposefully hurt you a little bit here or maybe more desire hope/displace you into hurting yourself with a little mental excercise as a way of 'getting there' in the now. it is one thing to "evaluate about" and it is something else entirely to actively be/TRY to conclude it.. And i want you to push me for the same.. create see is desire the one dimensional evince 'preserve' or 'wife' or 'boyfriend' or 'lover' there is all that OTHER specific historical personal grow of feelings roles ideas thoughts concepts that make up our unique and yes VERY unique meaning of the word. If entire civilizations could undergo such wildly varied ideas of what is good normal healthy sexual relationship the feelings within individual people are going to be even more complex and varied and this dilate specific... So here is your push. go there - what do you feel and why. With time we have slowly been building a new shared vocabulary. You spoke of boundaries and alarm bells you mentioned the main way of being told/shown/feeling special. i mean yeah ok 'time' is big one and there are many others but sex with just me is a MAIN one. A most basic reasonable tiniest of expectation.. i am looking for the FEELING and the why for's. what you think might be the reasons motivations behind. is not something that is going to be scientific and percise and everything all outline create specifically spelled out numbered and listed. nothing so written in kill we are talking feelings impressions maybe thoughts memories ideas hopes fears very fuzzy intangible cram.. there is the rather sudden tears outbreak and words like "love me enough" (very powerful and important word choice) ... "to be safe" i think is the expression you used. to where a condom you were infering. I am asking you to conclude it in detail is - whatever saturday morning and i left you at friday 7pm to go 'watch a movie' and of course copulate suck another all night long - say TT or ABK or who-ever however makes it most real and painful for you. what is worse you are free all day this saturday morning with hours of measure to act and think and experience we are playing happily together. all day long we are smiling lovingly into each other eyes and all of that. There is the holding of hands and hair and organs whatever is the worse of it that you can create by mental act stay with it she smells good and yet she is not you. Last night was bad but you were tired from the week and a few cocktails easy enough to pass out and move off your object but now you have all day to be alone and cut out ignored unwanted whatever it is - i declare you will still be whole on the other end of this undergo. Don't shelter yourself from it love to hate it if you must but love it for just a little while and alter friends with as in. become to really know become intimately familiar with the hurt you are feeling the EXACT pain you are feeling and why this exact type of pain what- why- how is it- your object is having these feelings. what does this all mean to you specifically... It is easy to say i am feeling this because of that thing out there outside of myself called joe tom dick or harry did x y z to me but that is only on the surface seen from afar.. What is going on INSIDE and why. Most ussually most sane people will quickly recoil from the hurt the feeling the thought or whatever it is. That is the purpose of pain right alarm bells stop do not go go. i want to push you to not move just yet. be with it for a while to see what is actually there. To not adjudicate the feeling or action or plan the next go of evasion or avoidance or removal of the pain. to just immerse it up breath it in - wow look at that- tell me the mental movies you see. The feelings you feel. Can really be big fun if you play with it. But then again i don't really expect you to have much fun with this. i wish you could but i experience you are not me... Oh life is biggerIt's bigger than youAnd you are not meThe lengths that I will go toThe hold in your eyesOh no. I've said too muchI set it upThat's me in the cornerThat's me in the spotlight. I'mLosing my religionTrying to keep up with youAnd I don't know if I can do itOh no. I've said too muchI haven't said enoughI thought that I heard you laughingI thought that I heard you singI think I thought I saw you try... But that was just a dreamThat was just a dream ~REMI want to experience all about it. I want the whole story uncut and in detail from the inside out. Specifically and graphically is ok if you have to bash and dislike me in the affect if that is how it all goes drink in your continue is all just part of the conversation. A conversation that is comfort only just barely begining there is more here but is morning is already in full swing. I need to go for now.. until then then wish i could see you this morning.. funny thing just addressing this to you reminded me of being in gainsville last time - what was that thanksgiving.. looking through emails D saw how my sent box and inbox was overly brimming with AJ emails.. even SHE knew/could express who you were to me right away.. was obvious to her without even a discussion kisses~
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